see dr shy, sitting at the big antique writing desk in front of the window, his tongue sticks out, his feet dangle high above the floorboards and a beam of golden sunlight shines down on him. dr shy is composing a letter, a letter to professor bile even! his eyes are slightly crossed and transpiration forms on his frowned brows.

dr shy carefully draws the words with his indexfinger - pens are considered too dangerous, given that he tends to cut himself on them - and now he dips it in the empty inkwell - ink is considered far too dangerous you see, given that he tends to drink it - and now he traces them out on the wooden surface of the desk - paper too, is considered by far too dangerous you see, given that he tends to eat it and what not- and this is what he writes:

most honourable your grace professor bile,

i was most pleased and thrilled to see the publication of your article on the aerodynamic qualities of bricks relative to their effect on cabbage farming in last week’s professors magazine monthly.

deep and most profoundly felt respect,
your’s truly unworthy humbled servant

shy, dr


post scriptum, - rendered unreadable by big droplets of drool -

and now dr shy rereads his letter, mouthing the words in near silence whilst moving his finger along lines only he sees. dr shy takes a deep breath, dr shy signs the letter with a big X, and dr shy sighs and quivers with anticipation when he imagines all the possible responses from the professor.

and then dr shy commences to eat the desk, first he nibbles on a corner to test it out and then, full-heartedly and with a passion, he starts to gnaw at it. it is at this point that mr pride chooses to interve, throwing the book he was reading towards the dr shy and shouting “shoo, bad boy, shoo!” and with a yelp dr shy jumps down from the bench and goes into hiding behind the wardrobe.

mr pride, happy in the knowledge that he has once more done his duty, lights a cigarette, picks up another book from the stack next to the sofa and opens it randomly on page 125. and from his hidding place dr shy wonders how he manages to read upside down.